How to Rebuild a Shattered Identity


At the onset of check marks, scores, and sticker charts, our little brains began to grasp the concept of the “work-to-achieve” mentality. We learned that if we work hard, behave correctly, and follow the rules, we earn the best place. We started hearing and telling ourselves, “If you do enough, you’ll be enough.” Like an annoying song you can’t get out of your head, this phrase became an anthem for our every action.

Study harder. Get smarter. Work faster. Climb higher. Stay busier. Do more. Be more.

Not surprisingly, this refrain nestled into the core of our beliefs and what we think about God. We subconsciously built our faith on phrases like,

A great performance equals God’s acceptance.
More works FOR God helps work our way TO God.
The more you do, the more He’s impressed with you.
Striving equals sanctification.
Labor earns love.

So we built. We worked hard, behaved well, busied ourselves in ministries and crafted our identities on all of the wonderful things we did for God.

But one day, the wood frame made of “works” started to rot. The ground level of “good deeds” began developing large cracks. The walls of our beautifully crafted identities came tumbling down, brick by brick, unable to withstand the pressure of a hard world and an ever changing standard.

Looking over the rubble of a shattered identity, we can still hear the faint echo of the song that broke us:
                                               “If you do enough, you’ll be enough.”


“Hey Jesus, Can I Work For You?”

Thankfully, we weren’t the first people to think we could work our way to God or somehow “do enough” to be like Him. In John 6, a crowd flocks Jesus after watching Him feed a crowd of thousands with only five loaves of bread and two fish. They were fascinated. They wanted to be like Him. 

The crowd tracked Him down and boldly asked Him a question. I can even hear my own quivering voice in their bold request, “We want to perform God’s works, too. What should we do?” (John 6:28, NLT).

There it is. What do we DO to be like YOU? His answer hushes the refrain of that ancient lullaby we used to sing as He says,

“This is the only work God wants from you: Believe in the one he has sent.” (John 6:29)

Rarely has the word “believe”  been enough for me, and it sure wasn’t enough for them. They wanted more signs, miracles and ‘bread action’. They asked Him to rain down bread from Heaven like Moses and show them more.  Cutting off their demands, Jesus issues the first I AM statement: 

“I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. But you haven’t believed in me even though you have seen me.” – John 6:35-36

Realizing Our Hunger and Thirst

Jesus’ statement about Himself is clear: He is the “Bread of Life”. But what are we?
We are the hungry and thirsty ones He refers to.  Our hunger and thirst for righteousness, enoughness and satisfaction is not a curse, but rather an indicator to seek the source of life– The Bread of Life. After all, Jesus promises that those who hunger and thirst for righteousness will be satisfied. (Matthew 5:6)

The problem arises when we take this hunger and thirst into our own hands. Instead of looking to Christ, we look to ourselves, our own “enoughness” and even others to quench that thirst. Consequently, the thing we go to to quench our hunger and thirst becomes the very thing we build our lives on.

Ultimately, we will build our lives on what we adore the most. If we adore our relationships, stuff, accomplishments, success, or even careers in place of Christ, we will inevitably construct our lives and identities atop of them. And anything we adore in place of Christ becomes an idol we serve. Idols can have the appearance of nobility and security, but they will fail us– every time. As the Psalmist writes in Psalm 115: 5-7:

“They have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but cannot see…Ears, but cannot hear, noses, but cannot smell… Hands, but cannot feel, feet, but cannot walk, nor can they utter a sound with their throats.”

Idols ask, ask, and ask and we give, give and give to something that cannot bring us the satisfaction we are desperately looking for. Idols forever remain hungry and thirsty, unable to be satisfied by what we sacrifice. And you know what they say about idols–you become just like them: always hungry, always thirsty.

Enough is Enough!

Jesus’ life was the only life worthy of being “enough”. And our gracious God, gave Himself up, so that we could trade-up. Jesus took our sin-filled life and gave us His life, His credibility, and His righteousness. We are enough in Him.

Therefore, if we base our identities on anything other than Christ’s life, we will always find ourselves starved for satisfaction and feeding it in all the wrong ways. Christ is the Bread of Life, given for you and me, so our unending hunger and thirst could be eternally satisfied in Him.

Friend, take a hard look at the ground beneath you. What are you building your life on? Is your life built on the Bread of Life? Or the “works” from your own life? The truth is: Christ’s life is enough. Our “work” is to believe that statement is true. When we live from this truth, we stop trying to do enough, “be” enough and measure up. Instead, we live our lives from a place of satisfaction rather than starvation.

Live your life from a place of satisfaction in Christ rather than starvation Click To Tweet

May we ask the Lord to tear down idolatrous foundations we’ve built our lives on, and ask Jesus, the Bread of Life,  to rebuild our lives atop His perfect love and His enoughness.


  1. Christina Price

    Absolutely beautiful call for us to let go of that annoying song of doing more and cling to the identity we have in our Bread of Life, Jesus!

    09 . Sep . 2017
    • Kaitlin

      Yes! May we continue to “disown” that sing and a greater one!

      12 . Sep . 2017
  2. Melissa

    Growing up this is exactly what I thought and this is how I lived my life. What more could I do for God, for my husband, in my career. Always trying to be a bit better. It is so hard to be still and remember I am enough just as I am to Him. When I rest in that thought it brings so much peace! Thank you for that reminder. Many blessing on your day!

    10 . Sep . 2017
    • Kaitlin

      I’m right there with you. It’s such a hard mindset to break! I think that’s the beauty of Jesus’s redemption: He helps break the thing in us we can’t break ourselves. Many blessings to you!!

      12 . Sep . 2017
  3. Kate

    I really need this right now! I am going through this ugly time of confusion and self-doubt especially i’m going to homeschool my special child. I’m still on the planning process but everything I’ve read online makes me even more frustrated and overwhelmed. I wonder how much effort should I put into this journey while maintaining balance relationship with my other child, husband, and my personal time with God.

    12 . Sep . 2017
    • Kaitlin

      That’s a huge undertaking and a big decision for sure! Im praying for wisdom and discernment for you in this- and for clarity to know what to do!

      12 . Sep . 2017
  4. karinpeters

    God really “brought it” through you in this post. I once had a major identity crisis also that came crashing down before my eyes. Even now I find myself saying “Use me God, Use me”, and there is nothing wrong with that but sometimes I think I forget that more than anything He wants me to just believe Him and to keep my eyes locked on Him. How easy it is to focus on His Hands rather than His Face. Thank you so much Kaitlin!

    14 . Sep . 2017
    • Kaitlin

      Oh goodness, I love how you put that. We really can focus on His hands rather than His face, thinking doing WORKS for Him is better than actually being WITH Him. Thank so you much for sharing your insight on this! <3

      14 . Sep . 2017

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