Who’s Your God?
This week, my dear friend, Tanya, is sharing an amazing #Wifehack with us. She is full of wisdom, grace and HUMOR. You are going to love what she has to say today– Let’s jump right in!
We spend adolescence and early womanhood preparing to be a wife – the crowning glory of our biblical womanhood. We prayed for our future husbands, detailing every characteristic from the color of his hair (red) to the way he chewed his food (silently, mouth closed for.the.love.). We unpacked godly dating every way imaginable, inventing laws (side-hugs only, always stay vertical) to protect us or rather, our purity, hoping to be flawless on our wedding day.
I wasn’t flawless. I was pregnant. And my husband didn’t have red hair. He wasn’t even saved.
I rebelled and abandoned my faith, but I still clung to one commandment, squeezing it and shaping it to my assumptions.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Eph 5:25 ESV).
I expected my husband to love me like Christ loved his church although my husband didn’t even know Christ. To me, this necessitated my husband’s unconditional and all consuming love. My joy, peace, and identity squarely rested upon his human shoulders. I elevated a sin-filled man to the position of God. I made an idol out of my husband.
It is easy to do in evangelical cultures like mine, professing marriage as the zenith of earthly life. But the Bible tells us something different.
“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband” (1 Cor 7:32-34 ESV).
Marital problems spawned faster than we could manage. I felt unloved and unwanted because my husband failed at being God. My husband felt fractured and faulty because he kept tumbling off my pedestal. Ours became a marriage of disappointment, hurt, and retaliation.
Thankfully, God intervened, revealing my idols and tearing them down.
Now, when faced with challenges in my marriage, I implement a little trick I call I.D.O.L. (For lack of anything catchy and because it sort of works. Just go with it.)
I = Imaginations
This comes from 2 Cor 10:5 (KJV), “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” Imaginations in this context means reckoning, reasoning, judgments, or decisions, especially those hostile to faith. So I ask myself, am I reckoning my husband should do Christ’s job? My husband is not responsible for my happiness, comfort, peace, or pleasure. Christ is. When I ask my husband to perform those tasks, I am asking him to be God.
D = Desire
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Gal 1:10 ESV). This begs the question, what is my desire? What am I trying to gain? If my goal is to win the affections or praises of my husband, then I have forsaken God. If my worth lies in my husband’s response to me, I forget who I am in Christ.
O = Obey
Stay with me. This comes from John 14:21 (NLT), “Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them.” Am I obeying God in this situation? The evidence of my love for Christ is my obedience to his commands. This requires me to honor and submit to my husband, even when he does not reciprocate. This demands I seek God in all circumstances and not rely on my understanding. I am bad at this one, friends, but I assure you, when we stay in obedience to Christ, regardless of our husbands’ reaction, response, or rebellion, we are guarding our hearts against idolatry.
L = Liberty
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” and “if the Son sets you free, you are truly free” (Jhn 8:32, 36). What is the truth? My husband is a human being, not a god. Knowing my husband is a sinner incapable of loving me like Christ frees him from the burden of deity. It frees me from the cycle of expectation and disappointment. And it allows both of us to enjoy each other as lovers, partners, and best friends in this earthly adventure.
Christ says we must comparatively hate everyone else if we want to be his disciples (Luke 14:26). This includes our spouse. Matthew Henry explains, “Not that their persons must be in any degree hated, but our comfort and satisfaction in [our husbands] must be lost and swallowed up in our love for Christ.”
That is my ultimate #wifehack: Let your love for Christ swallow up your love for your husband.
What’s your #wifehack?
Do you have a #wifehack that has made a world of a difference in your marriage? Share it below and you’ll be entered into a giveaway! To read more about the giveaway, click HERE!
Tanya is broken, but beautifully redeemed by the blood of Christ and is passionate about sharing Him with others in spite of her need to introvert like a boss. She is a wife, mom, and Navy veteran who homeschools her small humans and moonlights as a librarian. Find her at boldlytanya.com, Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.