When Silence is Sinful
Friends, I am so excited to have Rebecca Lynn Dikeman on the blog today! She is a fantastic writer, leader and encourager and I know you will love her! She has an amazing Word for you today, so let’s get to it! Welcome Rebecca!
There I sat, in the smoldering ashes of his bad mood.
He hadn’t done anything too terrible. He just picked a day when I didn’t deserve it. I woke up with a tower of delightful daydreams, and he rose like a wrecking ball.
Re-runs of his snappish remarks and insensitive glances played on the mega screen of my mind. A jumbo-sized popcorn drenched in a vengeance of butter would never have tasted so good. In my silence, I scripted the perfect sequel: “Unforgiven II: A Wife’s Revenge.” Move over, Clint Eastwood!
Have you ever been there — enjoying every detail of the revenge plot playing out in your mind? Contemplating every comeback? Debating every defense he’ll try to raise? You’ll be ready for each one. After all, he started this mess. You deserve to end it.
Being wronged hurts. If I may speak for married women, not many people can wound our hearts more than our husbands.
Am I right?
When I’m hurt, I get silent. I don’t mean the kind of silence steeped in peace, but rather, steaming with anger. My husband knows that’s the worst kind of mad in me.
Yes, he was lucky I was holding my tongue that day.
Or was he?
“Whoever guards his mouth and tongue, keeps his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23 NKJV (emphasis added)
“He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit.” 1 Peter 3:10 NKJV (emphasis added)
These verses reveal a difference between our mouths and our tongues. Think of them as an instrument. The mouth is our instrument, but it is silent without the tongue. The tongue plays (or speaks) the music.
And the music comes from our hearts!
Even though we’re silent, as in my case that day, we can still be scripting a vengeful tune in our hearts, tantalizing and tempting our tongues with every evil note.Stewing in silence is brewing disaster. Keep guard over the words of your heart. Click To Tweet
You see, my husband wasn’t lucky that I was holding my tongue, because I wasn’t holding my tongue at all. My tongue was busy being quenched by all the hurt and anger my heart was gushing forth.
Father, forgive me!
I’m so thankful the Holy Spirit intervened that day, setting conviction into my heart. I’m even more thankful I listened to Him!
Wives, if I may speak a marriage-saving, Jesus-praising #Wifehack to you, it’s this:Wise wives pause before they speak, and pray before they think a single word! Click To Tweet
My husband was wrong that day. My hurt was understandable. God doesn’t expect that we won’t get hurt and angry. Our emotions are part of what makes us His unique creation. But He never wants emotions to rule our hearts and cause us to sin.
That’s where the enemy wants us — right there enjoying our sinfully delicious popcorn, while he spins the projector.
And that, dear friends, is how I was also very wrong that day, even though I didn’t speak a single word.
So what can we do? God is not silent on the matter:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19 NIV (emphasis added)
If you’ll notice, God tells us to listen first. I believe the one we should always listen to first when we’re angry, is God.
God wants our mouths closed, our tongues silent, and both obediently listening to His voice — with our hearts! Then, our tongues will be tempered and our mouths will speak carefully instead of carelessly.
I’m happy to report that my sequel never made it to the theater of my life. It was a low-budget film, anyway. Instead, God wrote a new story on my heart.
I realized that sometimes we all wake up like a wrecking ball. I know I have — more times than my husband. I need grace on those days. Lots of it! I need a husband who will be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. And I know he needs the same in his wife.
With a soft touch and a gentle word, my husband felt the grace of the Holy Spirit working through me — and it changed his heart, and mine.
What’s your #wifehack??
Do you have a #wifehack that has made a world of a difference in your marriage? Share it below and you’ll be entered into a giveaway! To read more about the giveaway, click HERE!
RebeccaLynn is a wife, mother of two, and a woman whole-heartedly seeking her Savior. She is a blogger and proud member of COMPEL, a Proverbs 31 writer’s training program. She wants her readers to know that being a Christian is not living a perfect life, but a devoted one. You can connect with Rebecca on her blog, on Facebook and on Twitter .