When Silence is Sinful


Friends, I am so excited to have Rebecca Lynn Dikeman on the blog today! She is a fantastic writer, leader and encourager and I know you will love her! She has an amazing Word for you today, so let’s get to it! Welcome Rebecca!

There I sat, in the smoldering ashes of his bad mood.

He hadn’t done anything too terrible. He just picked a day when I didn’t deserve it. I woke up with a tower of delightful daydreams, and he rose like a wrecking ball.

Re-runs of his snappish remarks and insensitive glances played on the mega screen of my mind. A jumbo-sized popcorn drenched in a vengeance of butter would never have tasted so good. In my silence, I scripted the perfect sequel: “Unforgiven II: A Wife’s Revenge.” Move over, Clint Eastwood!

Have you ever been there — enjoying every detail of the revenge plot playing out in your mind? Contemplating every comeback? Debating every defense he’ll try to raise? You’ll be ready for each one. After all, he started this mess. You deserve to end it.

Emotions blazing!

Being wronged hurts. If I may speak for married women, not many people can wound our hearts more than our husbands.

Am I right?

When I’m hurt, I get silent. I don’t mean the kind of silence steeped in peace, but rather, steaming with anger. My husband knows that’s the worst kind of mad in me.

Yes, he was lucky I was holding my tongue that day.


Or was he?


“Whoever guards his mouth and tongue, keeps his soul from troubles.” Proverbs 21:23 NKJV (emphasis added)


“He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit.” 1 Peter 3:10 NKJV (emphasis added)


These verses reveal a difference between our mouths and our tongues. Think of them as an instrument. The mouth is our instrument, but it is silent without the tongue. The tongue plays (or speaks) the music.

And the music comes from our hearts!

Even though we’re silent, as in my case that day, we can still be scripting a vengeful tune in our hearts, tantalizing and tempting our tongues with every evil note.

Stewing in silence is brewing disaster. Keep guard over the words of your heart. Click To Tweet

You see, my husband wasn’t lucky that I was holding my tongue, because I wasn’t holding my tongue at all. My tongue was busy being quenched by all the hurt and anger my heart was gushing forth.

Father, forgive me!

I’m so thankful the Holy Spirit intervened that day, setting conviction into my heart. I’m even more thankful I listened to Him!

Wives, if I may speak a marriage-saving, Jesus-praising #Wifehack to you, it’s this:

Wise wives pause before they speak, and pray before they think a single word! Click To Tweet

My husband was wrong that day. My hurt was understandable. God doesn’t expect that we won’t get hurt and angry. Our emotions are part of what makes us His unique creation. But He never wants emotions to rule our hearts and cause us to sin.

 That’s where the enemy wants us — right there enjoying our sinfully delicious popcorn, while he spins the projector.

And that, dear friends, is how I was also very wrong that day, even though I didn’t speak a single word.

So what can we do? God is not silent on the matter:

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19 NIV (emphasis added)

If you’ll notice, God tells us to listen first. I believe the one we should always listen to first when we’re angry, is God.

God wants our mouths closed, our tongues silent, and both obediently listening to His voice — with our hearts! Then, our tongues will be tempered and our mouths will speak carefully instead of carelessly.

I’m happy to report that my sequel never made it to the theater of my life. It was a low-budget film, anyway. Instead, God wrote a new story on my heart.

I realized that sometimes we all wake up like a wrecking ball. I know I have — more times than my husband. I need grace on those days. Lots of it! I need a husband who will be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. And I know he needs the same in his wife.

With a soft touch and a gentle word, my husband felt the grace of the Holy Spirit working through me — and it changed his heart, and mine.

#Wifehack Win!

What’s your #wifehack??

Do you have a #wifehack that has made a world of a difference in your marriage? Share it below and you’ll be entered into a giveaway! To read more about the giveaway, click HERE!




RebeccaLynn is a wife, mother of two, and a woman whole-heartedly seeking her Savior. She is a blogger and proud member of COMPEL, a Proverbs 31 writer’s training program. She wants her readers to know that being a Christian is not living a perfect life, but a devoted one. You can connect with Rebecca on her blog, www.rebeccalynndevotions.com on Facebook www.facebook.com/rldevotions and on Twitter www.twitter.com/rldevotions.




  1. RebeccaLynn

    So blessed to be a part of this amazing #Wifehacks Series with you, Kaitlin. Thank you for having me. The Lord certainly taught me that silence is not always best – especially when we are angry. Take it to the Lord. Listen to His voice. Let Him write words of peace and humility in your heart. Amen!

    10 . Jun . 2017
    • Kaitlin

      It’s an honor to have you! This was such an eye opener for me too. Such wise words! Thank you for sharing them with us!

      10 . Jun . 2017
  2. Tanya

    Rebecca, I love this. “The mouth is our instrument, but it is silent without the tongue. The tongue plays (or speaks) the music.
    And the music comes from our hearts!” You just opened my eyes and changed my perspective. Thank you.

    10 . Jun . 2017
  3. Jennifer Crismon

    Thank you Rebecca Lynn – very helpful advice in the wisdom of guarding our words – not only in our relationship with our husbands, but in all our relationships – #wifehack “Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭15:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

    10 . Jun . 2017
  4. RebeccaLynn

    Tanya, I’m so glad it spoke to you. Ha! No pun intended! God is so good, and I’m so thankful for everything He has taught and continues to teach me in marriage. This series is going to bless so many! xoxoxo

    10 . Jun . 2017
  5. stumblingtowardsainthood

    This is excellent advice, and it is some I (unfortunately) need. Also, the comparison to making a movie out of our frustration was awesome!

    #WifeHack-regularly review your goals as a couple and as individuals and support each other in achieving them

    10 . Jun . 2017
  6. RebeccaLynn

    Thank you, Jennifer! And yes, it is definitely great advice for all our relationships. Love your #Wifehack!

    11 . Jun . 2017
  7. RebeccaLynn

    Thank you so much, “stumblingtowardsainthood”! I’m so glad you enjoyed the “movie” comparison as much as I did. That buttery popcorn is tempting, but aren’t we always glad when we pass it up for a “healthier” treat! haha This was a new #wifehack revelation for me, too. God loves teaching us, and doesn’t mind that we need it either. 🙂 He kind of knows we do! I love your #wifehack suggestion! That’s something my husband is SO good about — but I definitely need work on doing. Thank you. xoxoxo

    11 . Jun . 2017
  8. Angela Royse Pelleman

    This was a great read! We’ve all been there, and listening to The Holy Spirit is better than stewing in silence! Great advice!

    11 . Jun . 2017
    • Kaitlin

      I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Rebecca has incredible advice about stewing in silence. Listening to the Holy Spirit is the best way to go. Thank you for stopping by Angela!

      13 . Jun . 2017
  9. livingandlearningwithchrist

    Communication is key. Hearing what your husband is saying and not what you think he is trying to say.

    13 . Jun . 2017
    • Kaitlin

      Yes! That’s so true… it’s easy to have your own script of what they are saying rather than what they actually are. Thank you for sharing!!

      13 . Jun . 2017
  10. Ishah

    I COMPLETELY LOVE THIS!! It’s so important as a wife to know when to be silent and when to speak up. Not in the way of defending ourselves, but in a loving way to show our husbands certain things are not acceptable or godly. As you mentioned, if we keep quiet, we end up stewing in our own pot of resentment and unforgivenesss.

    13 . Jun . 2017
    • Kaitlin

      It is so important. This post was so encouraging to help know when our hearts are out of alignment with God’s truth. Thank you for stopping by!!

      13 . Jun . 2017
  11. Rita

    Written with so much humor and the the truth hits home, you are a wonderful writer!!

    13 . Jun . 2017
    • Kaitlin

      Yes, she is so fantastic! Such a convicting message whilst still laughing at the same time! Thank you for stopping by!!

      13 . Jun . 2017
  12. RebeccaLynn

    You all bless me so much with your comments! Thank you. This is going to be a great series! Don’t forget to post your own #Wifehacks! You’ll be entered to win Jen Weaver’s latest book, “A Wife’s Secret to Happiness,” and I’m also anxious to read the secrets to your success! xoxoxo

    14 . Jun . 2017
  13. Beka

    Oh, I have been in exactly the same spot. I have totally felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit to hold my husband’s hand… and then fought the idea for several minutes before responding! My anger runs cold and steely, and this post was spot-on. Thanks for your honesty and insight!

    15 . Jun . 2017
    • Kaitlin

      This post was so convicting for me too! I think we’re all on the same unending journey of learning the right way to respond and react! Thank you so much for stopping by!!

      15 . Jun . 2017
  14. Jovy Camaongay

    Thank you Lord for this heart-piercing revelation….thank you RebeccaLynn for allowing God to use you to convict our hearts! <3

    26 . Jun . 2017
  15. RebeccaLynn

    Beka and Jovy, your comments bless me! I’m so glad this post spoke to you both, and pray the words will help you as much as they helped me when God spoke them into my heart. xoxoxo

    26 . Jun . 2017

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